Monday, May 10, 2004

How I make a White Russian..

I really get pissed off when i go into a bar and see the bartender making a White Russian - 95 percent of the time, the bastard behind the bar does not know what the hell he's doing, and being a former bartender, that just makes me want to jump over the bar and beat the shit out of him/her with a cocktail shaker. So I've decided to post a series of blogs concerning this issue, entitled "How I make a..." I figure you should trust me, if not in anything relatively important in life, at least in my ability to make/drink a beverage. So here goes.

A White Russian has three ingredients (well, 4 if you include the ice)

Vodka.

Kahlua.

Milk/ Cream.

Contrary to what the bastard bartender (mentioned above) believes, a white russian is a built drink, not a shaken one. DO NOT SHAKE a White Russian damn it! It's fucking blasphemy. Thank you.

This is how i do it.

Take a lowball glass - this is what you would refer to as a whisky glass i believe - a short fat glass. Add a couple of nice big ice cubes in there - not crushed ice.. crushed ice melts too quickly and renatured the taste of the ingredients.
Over the ice, pour about 3 to 4 centiliters of white, unflavored vodka (like absolut or smirnoff - not something like absolut curant or zubrovska). Over the vodka, pour about the same quantity of Kahlua. You still with me?

OK

Now float the milk/cream over the now mixed vodka and kahlua. You should get a layer of brown (kahlua/vodka) and a layer of white (da milk/cream). Throw a couple coffee seeds on top of the milk/cream, and Voila! there's your White Russian.

Now I tend to like my drinks steep - I just think they taste better that way (and they do). But if you're a sissy, a loser, you can lower the amount of booze per drink.

Also do me a favor, the next time you go to a bar, ask for a white russian. If the bastard doesn't know how to make it, wack him across the head, and show him how to do it.. Cheers!!

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."
- Richard Braunstein

5 comments:

mich said...

Amen !

Lakuda said...

I once hit a bartender in the face for making a kamikaze without any vodka in it. That's alcohol neglect, my friends...

I also smacked one upside the head for taking away my empty glass...it still had fumes in it, for chrissakes... I like to pile them up in front of me (especially empty kahlua glasses)...it's like aromatherapy for frustrated Camels...

Kelly said...

Sounds yummy!

Dimitri said...

Oh, it is very yummy! you can bet on it!

How to make a white russian said...

I've had a white russian made with powdered milk, i've had one made with carnation milk(if you can believe that) was ok actually. Pretty damn sweet though.

White russians are perfection! we need no other cocktail.